My taste in guys has always been a bit on the terrifying side. It all started when I was a baby. My parents gave me a book on museum art to learn about color and shapes. You know, to enrich me. Well this may not have been their initial purpose, but I fell madly in love with the boys in this painting.
I loved these people.
Did I mention that the last page of the book was partially eaten? Yeah, I was already weird at book chewing age. Well a relative of mine gave my mom some dishes. My mom put them in a box to save them for when I was older. When she told me about this I grabbed a writing utensil and got to work. I drew myself and Pugsley from the Addams Family on the box. I guess I envisioned our future marriage, and getting the dishes out to serve severed hands to my Mother-in-Law Morticia.
I was romantically interested in him.
Then came a string of historically significant boyfriends. First I liked Christopher Columbus. Only because he was really cute on my Carmen Sandiego computer game. Then I liked Johannes Gutenberg, of the printing press fame. Then one night in Kindergatrten I woke my parents up because I had to talk about Cosmonaut Cutie, Yuri Gargarin. The next day when my mom was dropping me off at school she approached the teacher.
"Lulu might be a little tired today, she was up late last night talking all about Yuri Gargarin."
"Would she like to talk to the class about him?" my teacher asked.
This is actually the best response I could have hoped for. I am so glad I went to a Montessori.
I liked somebody who had two beards.
I'm glad to report that the tradition of weirder crushes continues. I've mostly moved on to political pundits. Around 94% of MSNBC's on air talent is referred to as my boyfriend. Peanut wasn't spared the weird either. On a recent trip to Washington D.C. we took a tour of the capital building. My brother only spoke up twice. Once to ask if Nancy Peolosi was in the building. The second time to ask where her office was and if we could go in.
Not that I'm in any position to judge, but really?
I guess while my peers are doodling "Mrs. Zac Effron" on their notebooks, I'm just watching C-SPAN and sighing.